• The Mama

Conscious Un-Coupling

Updated: May 9, 2019

Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin were notoriously dogged in the press several years ago for using this term in their divorce statement. The fact is, it wasn't her idea, and she gives credit to the original author of the term in many interviews. She just thought it was the best description of what they were doing. They had both decided that there was no point in holding grudges, or wishing things were different. They could choose to move forward with love and as a family or wallow in their self-hatred until it became all consuming. Sometimes things don't work out and while it can be depressing, stressful, life-altering, it doesn't have to be hateful; and you certainly should not be putting your children in the middle.


Dan and I had been a couple for about 7 years. We lived together for most of those. We were engaged, we had 2 dogs, but things were not great between us. We had grown apart and each of us harbored a lot of resentment towards the other. One day, we just decided that yeah I guess it's not going to work out. Of course there were a lot of tears and long talks, but the decision was made. He says that the day that happened, he felt relieved and stopped hating me. He no longer harbored resentment or anger towards me. He instantly went back to having love for me. This did not mean that he wanted to get back together, it just means that he remembered the good.


Soon after I moved out I found out I was pregnant. What went from a wonderful breakup turned into a tumultuous pregnancy and first year. (More about all of this on other blogs!). When we finally found our back to each other, trust was rebuilt. Loving kindness was restored. We were once again a family. This does not mean we were a couple. Neither of us wanted that. We had consciously decided that we weren't going to work together as a couple. We were too different and had moved in different directions. We needed different things from a partner, and that's ok. What we could do though, was Co-Parent wonderfully together.


This is what we hope to help all of you out there, who may be going through the same struggles. It doesn't have to be ugly. If it is ugly, it doesn't have to stay that way. We are proof that you can make it out the other side and for the better. You too can uncouple and still consciously co-parent.


If you like this, please let us know in the comments. If you would like to hear our take on other issues please send us an email. You can also check out our other blogs on many different topics.


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